15
Jul
The Finale of a chapter in my life
Jan

It is the finale.

I did not expect this would be the end between me and him. We were quarreling about nonsensical stuffs that I do not see a point in talking about at all. He raised his voice at me over the phone. When I wanted to speak, he spoke louder to cover over my voice. Although I was at a verge of throwing my worst temper at him, I stopped myself by hitting my pillow. I teared a couple of times while trying to talk when he did not gave me a chance to explain and speak what’s in my mind. After he had quieten down, I said in a very calm and composed manner, “Let’s break up.”. I guess it marked the end of my hopes and dreams to have a “happily ever after” ending with him. I gave up, putting my hands up and surrender and hanging the white flag above my door. All he wanted for me is to understand him better and all I wanted was for him to understand me better. Both individuals from different back ground, different past experiences and different up bringing trying their best to compromise each other but failed.

He was younger than me by 2 years. Perhaps different mentality? Or does it boils down to my bad temper, self-centered and unreasonable behavior? I had been really angry and pissed with him, but I have never ever threw my temper on him because I love him. He had threw his bad temper at me before. I forgave him time to time again, in the hope of him changing for the better for our future. I had to admit he changed a couple of his bad behavior for us. It still boils back to his character and personality, I guess. Like the phrase “Leopards will never change it spots”.

Perhaps, this was Fate playing upon us. Or maybe we were never meant to be together… …

Category: Indulge in Me, My Life  Leave a Comment
03
May
An interesting post from my old blog address…
Jan

I found this old Word document file while clearing my desktop…I clicked opened and I saw this post from my previous blogger addressed blog…Suddenly, I remembered that I did save this post to let Vincent Lau to read what I wrote on my blog before…by the way, my old blog was on private and I didn’t wanted my friend to read the whole chuck of my life, so I showed him a couple of posts…hmmm…now I’m wondering where are the other posts that I saved for his viewing…

Here it goes…

What is L.O.V.E ???
Saturday, December 30, 2006

I have been having sleepless nites this few days and i would love to share wif all of u my dear friends a little piece of my mind as you will never thought that JKD could be such a “thinking” person… :)

When u thk of ur past love, u may view it as a failure. But when u find a new love, u view the past as a teacher.In the game of love, it doesn’t really matter who won or who lost. What is important is u noe when to hold on and when to let go…

U noe u really love someone when u want him or her to be happy, even is his or her happiness means tat u’re not part of it.Everything happens for the best. If the person u love doesn’t love u back, don’t be afraid to love someone else again, for u’ll nv noe unless you give it a try.

U’ll nv truly love a person u love unless u risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If u don’t get hurt, u don’t learn how to love. Love doesn’t hurt all the time, though the hurting is still there to test u and to help u grow.

Don’t find love, let love find u. tat’s why it’s called falling in love because u don’t force yourself to fall. U will juz fall. U cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If u want to go on, then u have to leave the past as u turn the pages.

Love is not destoryed by a single failure nor won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, relearning, discovering, rediscovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when u want to hold on and holding on when u need to let go.

We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don’t ever the same mistake of riding the same one that threw u the first time.

Fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart but it oso can carve wonderful images into the soul tat last for a lifetime!

Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling, It should inspire u and give u joy and strength. But sometimes the things tat give u joy can oso hurt u in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom tat they choose to be and where they choose to be.

For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, u should give thanks, for u noe, that these were the things which helped u grow. Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his or her way, whether it leads towards u or aways from u.

When u give ur heart to someone, u’re also giving him or her the power to tear and break ur heart into pieces. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk muz be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then u’ll experience the fullness of humanity and tat’s LOVE.

Only love can hurt your heart, fill u wif desires and tear u apart. Only love can make u cry and only love noes why. If u’re not ready to cry, if u’re not ready to take the risk, if u’re not ready to feel the pain. then u’re not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we become afraid to fall in love because everytime we do, we get hurt, then I figures tat’s why it’s called falling in love… :)

Please leave some comments on my cbox whether u agree to this…Thanks babes and dudes…. (^_^)

Love,
JKD

So, what are your thoughts on this now after 4years? those who had faithfully reading my blog since those blogger days, did you felt any changes in me about love??

Category: Indulge in Me, My Life  18 Comments
03
Mar
Short update on my Accounts being hacked…
Jan

To my readers, please note that my FaceBook, Gmails accounts and MSN have been hacked by some hackers…

I will be making my new email address soon…but it would be “something”@jankaren.com…

As for the “something” before @jankaren.com, I love to hear some comments / ideas from my readers…So, put on your thinking caps and think of an new email address for me…

Winner might get a present from me if I were to use the suggested idea!!!HURRY and join in the fun!!! =D

Category: Indulge in Me  9 Comments
18
Dec
Let me introduce you to… …
Jan

Let me introduce you to my cutest friend ever… =D15552_190226676704_677121704_3041379_3944267_nHis name is Bear Bear Haw…He’s the loveliest Rottie you could ever find…he even have his own blog…Go take a look…you will be amazed by what he wrote…he’s damn smart… =D

http://bigbrownbearbear.blogspot.com/

My next posting will be about dogs too…stay tune… =)

p/s, bear bear, Jan Jie Jie did some advertising for you and you only… =)

Category: Doggies and their owners  3 Comments
17
Dec
Which country should I stop and put my foot step prints on???
Jan

So, yesterday was the end of my Law module and I went to 313@Somerset…Forever21 is 4 levels high…it was filled with so many women…ranges from 12 – 30+…each level depicts a different concept of F21…beautifully done…love the chandelier hang elegantly down at the main entrance…and Zara is 3 floors…nothing much to expect from Zara’s decorations…bought couple of accessories from F21…they are so cheap and pretty… =) after my exam, I was so tired and I couldn’t peck myself up with everything…from lemon favored fisherman’s friend to walking pass the shops that were on sale in Centerpoint…nothing caught my attention…even my favorite clothing brand Mango was having a sale up to 50% off all regular prices…But F21 caught my attention…I look very forward to all the newly opened shopping malls in Singapore…One day, I believe Orchard Road will be one of the best shopping location for tourist…Although some brands are still not brought into Singapore…

After staying so many years in Singapore, I’m already so localized…From the accent of my Aussie English to now, the accent of Singaporean & some slang of British English…and my taste of food…from light and simple favors to spicy and strong favors…at this point of time, you might have started thinking why did I start this topic???No link and so random, right???

In fact, its neither no link nor so random…But I was thinking about leaving Singapore…Because I have a couple of choices offered to me…firstly, my company’s main company’s lady boss, my god mum, wants me to learn new things and the way they operate the company in Japan…Secondly, I also would be in Japan but this is to help my uncle with his Japan travel agency…Thirdly, getting my ass back to Hong Kong to help my dad’s family business because my cousins and nephews are not showing any interest in the food industry line…Apparently, its a chain of restaurants that I would be mending if I were to head over there…And Lastly, Back to my country, Australia…most of my relatives are living in Aussie…and I miss my darlings (Golden Retrievers, house & R34)….I have been given a chance to swap my nationality from this current place as I have been living here for 12 years…I didn’t gave them a reply or shown any interest on this offer… =) smart aye?

I still cant make up my mind on what I really want to do or where I would want to stay…With such circumstances that had happened in my family, I’m having a very hard time to decide now…I want to get this over by the first half of next year…I hope I could…

Update on my uncle

He went for a CT scan…Apparently, the results doesn’t reflect a good sign on his health…I guess the 1 year period for him to live is for real and it is so confirmed already…Now, I’m trying to fork out 2 evenings in a week of my time to accompany him…I brought him a HUGE stack of DVDs over to his house…we were watching all the comedy and laughing like some lunatic…we were sitting beside each other and munching on homemade pop-corn…I didn’t know that his entertainment system was such a good one…love the sound effects…if the room was sound proof from the other human activities in the house, it would be like a cinema… =) I remembered my uncle and me were laughing so much that he smacked his hand on my thighs and I saw his gratefulness of me doing such a little thing like bringing a couple of DVDs to occupy his time and accompanying him… =) When he knows that I was bored with nothing to do, he would try his best to keep me entertained by showing me the cook books he bought and showing off to me that he had learned most of the dishes and he could cook any of them for me…he kept asking me to pick a dish out for him to cook for me… =) he’s such a nice uncle… I love him so much… =) I pray to God everyday to wish that his health would improve and asked my beloved Aunt Tina to bless him everyday when I pass by the church where she was laid to rest at, while I’m on my way to school and going back home from school…it had been a routine for me to pray to God and wish everyone good health since young…i hope God could give him a miracle…

Alrighty, I’m going to stop writing and hit the sacks…I’m so tired from the meet up with a High School friend at Thomson Plaza’s Starbucks…She was talking to me for hours and I listened and gave suggestions and advises… =)

Good night…

Category: Family, My Life  6 Comments
16
Dec
At last, my Law exam is over…
Jan

3 hours in the exam hall was a very long and tiring wait…i used 2hours and 30mins to finish up everything…and now, I’m all so tired…guess I wouldn’t be heading out for my class dinner to celebrate our last module together because we are separated into our different core modules…

I’m so interested in taking another degree…but this time its a Law degree…I love Law lectures…so enriching and easy for me…there’s a law degree in SMU…hmmm…should I or should I not???my Law lecturer is also teaching criminal law in SMU…and his lectures are so interactive…no matter how tired or shitty we are, he will try his best to keep us interested in topics…and he understands that our attention span is short…he would let us off early and ask us to stay back the next day to each what he had missed out on…a very responsible lecturer… =)

Category: School  8 Comments
09
Dec
One Year to Live…
Jan

What will you do if you know that your sickness is taking your life away and you only have 1 year left to live???

Everyone in the family knows that our uncle only have a year to live, except himself…but we are praying for a miracle to happen…Will God take pity on him and give us the miracle that we are looking forward to???Is it even fair to hide this truth away from him???I would vote to tell him because he can do whatever he wants to during this short period of 1 year time…

Couple of days ago, I text my uncle some cute forwarded text and I add some of my encouragement words after that…but what he replied me was sad…I wrote “Uncle, everyone loves you a lot…with all the love, you will get well very soon…don’t worry”…and he replied “Thank you everyone for your kindness…I want to live life to the fullest so don’t worry, I will be alright…” How can God take a person away who treasure life so much???Why don’t God take the lifes of those who dun treasure life and waste their life away by taking drugs and all those nonsense stuff???Life is unfair…

Last Sunday, I visited him and accompany him from afternoon until night…I wanted to give him a big bear hug but I was afraid I might hurt him because he looks so weak and fragile now…not like the uncle who have been playing and taking care of me…He was the sporty, a little muscular, tan skin, slim, tall, keeps a short and neat hair do…he looks at least 15 years younger than his actual age of 54…but now, he had aged so much he looks like his actual age…which pains my heart so much whenever I see him…

But looking on the bright side, this life-changer had brought all the family members closer and together we will give him our utmost support to battle with his disease… =)

p/s, Although this life-changer had brought all the family members closer, I’m still not close to the “you-know-who” ‘uncle’ of mine…I still hate him… (>”<)

Category: Family  One Comment
04
Dec
I miss my old blog address… =(
Jan

Apparently, blogger wasn’t really happy with my blog or email address…

They close my previous blog and the gmail address which is linked to it…I wrote a couple of emails to them but to no avail…one of the gmail staff replied me but he had referred me to another department which until today, they have no time to read or reply to my email…in fact, this is quite irritating because I didn’t know that their efficiency was that lousy…

I had a couple of classic blog entries which I remember and I hope I could share it with all of you on this new blog address…I hope my readers, whether you’re new reader or readers since my previous blog, enjoy the blog entries in the near future… =)

Category: Indulge in Me  22 Comments
01
Dec
Picking up the shredded pieces up…
Jan

You may wonder why is the title “picking up the shredded pieces up…”?

It wasn’t easy for me to accept the actual fact that my favorite uncle who dotes on me the most on my mum side had cancer…In fact, he is suffering from liver cancer…For days, I didn’t talked to any body…I was only talking to my family and couple of close friends…things lighten up after I went to pray for him…I went to the church and temples around Singapore to pray for his health to recover…Most of you who had tuned yourself into my previous blogspot blog would have known that I’m a Catholic but after an incident after my Beloved Aunt’s funeral, I turned myself away from Catholic…I chose to be a free-thinker…I went to temples to pray and offer to shorten a couple of years of my life to give life to my uncle…

Things changed tremendously after my Aunt’s passed-on…she was like a mother to me as she didn’t had daughters only two sons…she taught me about life…how should a woman live her life…she was my role model…but I didn’t took her advise when I was younger, instead I wasted my life but she still had my utmost respect when I was in the rebellious stage of my life…Her death changed me into a better person…My past was terrible…I hit the clubs almost every night…I didn’t went to lectures because I couldn’t wake up…I preferred working than studying…I ran away from home and rented an apartment at Holland Village area to live alone…I was not that “someone who a guy would bring home to tell his mum that he wants to marry me” kinda girl…

And now, I’m just another tame little daddy’s girl again…Life had really dropped a few big bombs on me…But I know I would be able to make it through each time…because I will always have my family’s support…

Category: Family  2 Comments
28
Nov
Frustrations…
Jan

I couldn’t find any where to vent my frustrations out…Last evening, upon receiving some saddening news, I was devastated…but I couldn’t cry…I had to be strong for my mum who was crying as she broke the news to me…I had no feelings or what so ever…Neither could I cry nor I was able to speak to any body…I was at a total lost…

I was looking for something for me to vent my frustrations but I couldn’t…I was searching high and low for my hand written diary which I kept for years…but I couldn’t find…I gave up searching and lay down on my bed…thinking about my aunt who left me 6 years ago after a year long battle with leukemia (cancer of the blood)…and now my uncle intestinal or colon cancer…will God take him away from us???

Why is God taking away all the kind souls in my life away from me???1st my beloved aunt…and next target is my uncle???Why???I still can’t understand…I’m still not talking to anyone…I’m keeping everything to myself again…I’m afraid that I might lose him during the battle of cancer he will be going through…

When I visited him yesterday at his home, he was so skinny…I could see he is left with bones and some flesh…its so painful to see a family member who is so dear to you to be suffering silently…and you can’t do any thing to help him to relieve his pain…

All I could do now is to hope he recover from the surgery he done 2 weeks ago to remove the intestine which was inflamed…nurse back his health to fight the battle with cancer…he is still haven’t know the truth about cancer…I wish I could give him all my strength to face with the reality…I hope my aunt will take over his role of the pillar of the family…I hope everything could be the best for their family now…

God had taken my grandfather, Aunt away due to cancer…and now my dearest uncle must fight on to live…I want him to see us grow up…he always encouraged me to study hard since young…he always dote on me although he have 3 daughters…he must live on…he have to…he have to prove to God that although he is God, he can’t just take people away from the rights to live when he loves and treasures life!!!

I’m a Catholic…but now, my faith for my religion is not there anymore…I had lost my faith…I don’t trust God anymore after so many incidents that he took people so dear to me away…

Sorry for those who is waiting patiently for my official blog opening…But I’m so busy studying my 2nd degree…Now, I’m studying on Law…its so boring but I’m working real hard to get all As for my result…and I cant find the suitable person to do up my blog yet…

Alrighty, I’m going off soon to my uncle’s home to accompany him…Please help me pray for him…because no one can take my uncle away from my family…my grandmother had went through enough of pain already…at the age of 88, she seen her mother passed on, then her friends, then my grandfather, then my aunt whom she dote on the most…but not now, not this time…my uncle has to live on for us… =) he is a very strong man…

Category: Family  One Comment
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